The Tourist
Sunday was a beautiful day and I realized that it may be the last time I really see Frankfurt in sunlight. So I set out on my bicycle with the polaroid. I arrived at the waterfront and weaved my bicycle through the crowds and as an organgrinder worked his nostalgic charms you could hear a faint, mispronounced entschulchigung coming from the funny dressed American tourist.

Roo scores a triple
Saturday evening I met Annelle and Günter at the Sudbahnoff.

Uptown Boy meets Nordic Suite Goddess
Our stomachs beinf full of Japanese delight we set out on our journey for the holy grail of suites.

Japanese SchweinerSchnitzel
Saturday morning I met up with Stefan for a day of shopping and fun. But first we had to prepare ourselves for the long hunt. So we went to Mikuni on HasenGaße. Even though I would have killed for sushi something caught my eye as I looked over the menu. Mikuni had a deep fried pork fillet, or SchweinerSchnitzel! I had to try this rare merging of two cultures that I could only find while I am here. It had very deliscous sauces and the service was incredible, even taking a photo of us enjoying our meal.

This is Good
The beauty of life cannot be captured like a butterfly when your tongue like a net — using a third language just beginning to be learned — is so full of holes. Friday night a coworker named Michel and I rode.

Just a few words
After a stressful day of post-hangover grogginess and nightmare PMS-ness I thought it would be nice to hang out, get a bite and go to the Kino. So before the movie I went to a haunt in my neighborhood called Bei Benny und Franky. I love the name because it feels more Hoboken than Frankfurt. I was feeling very tense going out on my own and when I get tense my voice deamplifies and my mouth does not open to annunciate words. So after barely getting out my order the guy on the barstool next to me made a joke with me about my German but I couldn't understand it.

After enoying my bratwurst and beer I headed to Orfeos Erhben to catch a reel of shorts from Cannes film festival. Unfortunately when I walked in I got the "gypsy" girl and there was definite void between what I wanted and what they could offer. I couldn't figure out if the show was sold out, or rescheduled but I was definitely feeling very deflated as I was looking so forward to seeing these movies. What burned me was that people were being so nice to me but I couldn't communicate with them.

I was still in such a bad mood from the previous night that I set out on my bicycle in such a sour mood. I got to the waterfront, looked upon the incredible skyline, and I still felt so bad. So after a couple unsuccessful snaps I left Bridget a message on her cell phone in tears. I am such a baby...

I kept riding and riding, taking another bad photo and finally after about an hour I discovering new things on the south shore of Sachenhausen I began to feel better and I rode back across the river to Romerburg where I finally got this sweet snap at the Schirn. End it on a high note!

Male PMS Nightmare
Perhaps it was the .... or the four large Newcastles I drank, I had very vivid nightmare that night. I got on a plane to go to Geneva but instead my mind lead me to a flight for the US. My clients were on the plane and I think we had a meeting for a minute. So I get home but it is not my home. Everyone is there but instead our house has turned into a scummy Seventies mod apartment building and the complete interior was decorated like a genericized faux European bed and breakfast with ugly Fourties era patterns and doilies. And LPK begins yelling at me for coming home two weeks early.

I was so emotional when I awoke and I was very homesick. I was also almost late for work! That didn't stop me from crying as I thought about how I do love this new second home and how my country leveled it sixty years before.

It was very embarrassing the I was still crying as Petra came into the office and I giggled a little bit through choked back tears that I was okay.

Eine kleine NachtLeben
Wednesday night Stefan and I went out to skellar bar called the "12 Apostle" where they make their own beer.

Die Bicycle
Today Stefan and I went out and bought a bicycle. It was way out in the generic Suburbs and it took us forever to get there.

I saw a Magpie
Stefan and I were sitting at our desk when this bird with back and white wings flew by. It's pretty cool to see my team's mascot kicking in the city, a long way from the Tyne army.

La Crêpescule Industriale
Cool grey Autumn morning. The clouds were beautiful but could not captured my pathetic Polaroid.

Orfeos Ehrben
I was very delighted on my first visit to the LPK Frankfurt office to find that there is a cool kino right next door. Well, it's actually a posh Kino und Kanteen! So after working many long hours on Tuesday, and presenting first round creatice concepts to the client via conference call with an acute hangover (I rocked it by the way), I headed to Orfeos for a drink and some food with coworkers. Caroline, Ariane and Daniella were joined by Annette and I and were promptly served by the uncomprimising Polish immigrant waitress who only speaks German. I ordered a delicous sesame salad with roasted duck breast, it was incredible. We enjoyed our meals and conversation. When it came time for the check the waitress joked with me that I can only say yes to which I replied "Ja!". Then she asked if I will be paying for all the wonderful ladies, to which I replied "Ja!". And that is how you get suckered. I think she may be a gypsy.

A night of firsts
After work I went out with Ariane, Marek, Carolina and the visiting Daniella. We went to a very cool little weineskellar near Alte Oper. I had some more wonderful regional wine and a würsttellar, or sausage plate. Marek let me try some mussels, which I have never had lving almost my entire life in Cincinnati. We had much lively discussion and jovial laughter. We also discovered Daniella's sordid beauty techniques.

Carolina took Daniella to her hotel and Marek, Ariane and I went to the zteitgallery to the hookah. Also a first for me. The apple tobacco was very refreshing and the hookah filters out the impurities in the smoke.

My poor puppy
When I got back from lunch I learned that Sammy died. He was such a sweet and silly dog and I loved him so much. Sometimes he was like a little cartoon character. It really hurts to think about not being there with Bridget and Sammy during these sad times. I was crying on the phone and it cheered me up a bit to explain that it was nothing too sever, and yes I am not a homesick Cincinnatian.

Reading between the slices
On Monday Stefan and I went out for lunch. We went to a local brick oven pizza restaurant called ... on ... Afterwards we stopped by an used bookstore where the clerk was very helpful. I bought some postcards and Georges Mikes satircal classic "How to be an Alien". He is like a mid-century John Hodgeman. Looks very funny — about geting on in British culture, for instance:"Contitental people have sex, the English have hot-water bottles."

Blötwürst und kraut mit kartuffel
I forgot to mention before that Marcus joined us at the match and was kind enough to bring us beers. After the match Anelle was off to do homework so Marcus and I went to the SudBahnoff and walked to SachsenHausen for an authentic German meal at the ....

I thought I would be brave so I ordered the blood and liver sausages with sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. There was no need to be scared, it was extremely delicous! Paired with some local apple juice and apple wine it made an excellent meal. It was also great to get to know Marcus better because he is such a patient teacher and has many anecdotes about grammer and culture.

Entracht Frankfurt V Nürnberg
Thanks to Günterr and his friends I was able to attend my first European Football match. I have to say that it was incredible.

What was even more incredible was that as soon as Annelle and I bought our apfelweinnen and würst and arrived at their seats the first real action happened. Frankfurt recieved a penalty at the goal on our end! And the stürmer Ioannis Amanatidis put the ball in the back of the next. What was even nuttier was Nürnberg took the ball right back down the field and scored easily within 60 seconds!

The crowds in the fanzones were jumping and cheering being lead to the brink of absolute insanity by pasty shirtless boy-men with megaphones. The action began in the second half as Nürnberg scored again in the fiftieth minute. Offensively Frankfurt was playing incredibly with some beautiful first-time touches and accurate floating passes with a wee bit of a back spin. But their defense was beginning to scare us. And then Frankfurt's star keeper Marcus Proll had to leave the pitch after sustaining an injury.

Frankfurt was able to equalize in the fifty-seventh minute and although there were some exceptional moments the match was pretty much decided at this point and both sides were satifised with a draw.

Goodbye Sbahn and Gütens in the night
Sunday I awoke to propane fumes as a bus arrived with new Asian tourists. This was to be the last day in my hotel room (pictured below). I actually kind of liked it. It was on the third floor of the Mercure just a few minutes from work. It had a balcony and when I left my windows open the voices of Germans and loud Sbahns would infiltrate my dreams.

My new room was only a block and a half away in a long term residents building. I like my new room because it has nicer interior design and is more comfy. It is also located on a quiet side road so I will be able to achive sound sleep. Also this location feels more authentic and I am located next to interesting buildings like what you see above.

Krappenz zie Panten or Europe Out the Backdoor
Saturday I think I did not drink enough water, or perhaps earlier ate something very bad, but as I rode the Übahn I began to feel very ill. I quickly rushed out past the Turkish pot dealers asking for a light and hopped on a Sbahn. In my haste I did not realize it was the wrong one. I hopped off and caught the correct line and got off at the stop closest to my hotel. But it was too late. Perhaps it was the excercise, perhaps all the coffee, or maybe even some crazy würst. I shit my pants. And that night as I washed myself and my undergarments out in the shower I couldn't help but wonder that maybe somewhere, perhaps very far away, Rick Steves was doing the exact same thing.

http://www.ricksteves.com/

Ein Schöner Samstag
I really want to thank Günter and Annelle for sharing their Saturday with me. I had to go into workearly in the day, but I was able to take the SBahn to the Messe and take the Übahn4 to Bornheim Mitte where Günter and Anelle live. It was very sunny as we shopped for the meal we were to prepare together. It was very sunny and probably 15c.

We were able to stop by one shop and pick ourselves up some "Turkish Honey" for dessert — and then to a grocery store to buy some ingredients for the lasagna that Annelle lovingly made while Günter and I were complete boys watching the Bundesliga and talking about music.

And as we pröst'd their cute flat and new freindships with rötweinnen as the grey clouds moved in and the melancholy autumn drizzle ran down the windows like legs on our wine glasses I couldn't help but think of how very little, in my own home, am I able to sit with friends and be completely content.

Jimmy's Magpies V. Pride of London
It's true that I was able to taste greatness for a couple of weeks. I was equal in the table with Tommy for Top of the LPK Fantasy Premier League. My team isn't great but they are scrappy. Maybe it was too much to think Rooney as my captain would score on Liverpool...And although Henry has been better as of late I had no idea that he would score two goals and Reading...Fortunately for now my sweet Magpies are still in second. But I am fearing the middle table obscurity of winter.

This office coffee is better than Starbucks
I must say that I have always found Starbuck's expresso to be bitter and not as smooth as Lookout Joe's or Coffee Emporium. But the Saeco machine in our Frankfurt office freakin' rocks! I have a feeling that it is not just the machine, but the beans as well. Sorry but you can't believe what you are missing.

Metaphors are occuring during rest
Last night was the second night where I had a dream where I was out in Frankfurt or at the office and I have a giant sore on my forehead. Gross. Insightful. So Michel Gondry.

Vielen herzlichen Dank
I really want to thank Bridget for taking care of our home and puppies while I am away. Please give her a ring so she can get out a bit! Thank you sweetie—be home soon! Ich muss den ganzen tag an dich denken!

It's true what they say
After my meal Ariana walked down to the Römer to see the reconstructed buildings and the Cathredral. It was very beautiful. But we had to run, Sven was cooking dinner. So we entered the Übahn or subway, which was more beautiful.

There are these cool new display at every stop that tell you the times of the next trains or busses. And they are always on time!

Visiting Mainhatten
Today I was able to twice visit the City Centre.

The first visit was with Marek, the Director of the Frankfurt office, where we drove down past the Messe and Houptbahnhof and through the financial district with all the skyscrapers. We ended up parking under the outdoor shopping district and walking through it. One building was the Hauptwache, meaning high lookout post, where Frankfurters used to kick ass. Now it is a sweet restaurant. We ended up at a delicous thai restaurant where we discussed business over a Wießbier. One the way back I got my first glimpse of the Kaiserstrauße, or King's Street, which means red light district. I couldn't resist rolling down the window to ask 'Heya flossie, how much ya charge for a lube job?'.

Ariana and I went down after work so I could pick up a few hygenic items. We shopped at a big department store for my items, and then went fruitlessly shoe shopping for her impending business trip to Berlin. After no luck we ended up at the Frankfurt Café Karin, named for the EspressoPromethian woman who insisted that Germans drink coffee that is as good as the French and Italians. I had a delicous beer, I'll have to ask which kind, and a Kartoffel puffer with fresh goatcheese and herbs. Yummy!

Oh, and on the way there we viewed a rare species of Ferrari Citröen

Can't figure out this sign. I guess I'll cross that street when I get to it. It's called WippenStraße.

Frankfurt V Palermo, UEFA Cup
Annelle and I went to O'Reilly's Pub across from the Houptbohnoff last night. We had a lot of fun talking about acclamating and her new life as a German life. Guenter joined us after the match and we had lively conversation.

After two and a half Guinesses my stomach sounded like a water balloon and would swirl and splash with each step!

Dem Dogs are Good!
Here people do not walk their dogs on leashes. The dogs walk behind their owners, sometimes as far as a block. The dogs follow all traffik and pedestrian laws. And I once saw a dog light it owners cigarette. I should mention here that the dog was Gary Coleman. And yes, the title is a reference to Pete Rose's days as a spokemodel for Gold Star Coneys.

Wasserdame
Someone at work brought in a cost-effective device for lonely men. Said device was found in the the prophylactic dispenser in a public restroom. He said he was curious "was is das 'travel pussy'?".

The device is a plastic bag you fill with warm water in one end (and secure) and finish with lubrication and personal extremity in the other end. Cheap and Convenient. I should suggest to Rick Steves for his next trip through Europe's back door.

The Brunchman Cometh
Everyday at 11am a truck pulls up and plays the theme to the A-team, and everyone comes running for the Brunchman's goodies.

First day
I got to the hotel and showered and came into work just in time to meet everyone and go to lunch. We went to an Italian restaurant where I was able to order in broken German and Guenter ordered some Apple Wine, the specialty of this region. I tried my best to be productive throught the afternoon.

After work Carolina and Ariana, whom I was able to hang out with when they were in the States, took me to a cool little Wine bar where I had this incredible dry white wine and some Alsatian Tartes. Even though I was unbearably talkative through dinner Carolina and Ariana acted interested, I was definitely worried I would not get to sleep.

But alas I crashed around 22:30 local time as the television blared Werder Bremen's defeat of Levski Sofia in the Champions League.

Care in the Air
Delta screened a video on the plane which invited passengers to perform in-air 'faux-ga' as I would call it or a yoga meets eastern accupuncture meets Sting rituals. I couldn't help but laugh thinking what if I actually did these things. Everyone around me would think 'there goes that wife beater stretching his arms and massaging his face preparing to tear her apart again.

Non-Alcoholic Passionfruit Sparkler and Tiny, Tiny Tears
I owe an apology to my dear readers. My last post was a wee bit mellow dramatic. I was through ticketing and security in 20 minutes. However I was completely unprepared for 'the Sniffer' — the device before the metal detector that makes sure you are not carrying anthrax on-board — which blasted me in the eyes.

Once on-board I found myself sitting next to a young, very reserved German girl. I got situated and began to read. After a few moments I noticed tears streaming down her cheeks. I asked if she was okay and she, embarrassed, said yes. She would cry for a minute, then get her compact out and immediately fix her face. And again. And again.

Other passengers were themselves getting situated and began look around to see if there were any celebrities or terrorists on-board. What they saw and misinterpreted looked as if it were pulled from a bad episode of Dateline. A sloppy man reading his book disinterested as his young female companion cries after a series of insults. 'What would you do?' such a pogram would pose to the viewer. Mostly when my eyes met those of my fellow passengers I would see in their faces disgust and pity with infrequent rage.

Ironically the inflight entertainment was 'The Breakup' with Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston...

Into the Wild Blue
I'm heading off to the face the orange-colored terror qeues and fire breathing stewardesses. Wish me luck and I hope not to be plastered or flamed against the side of a national landmark. Although I always fancied my face on the side of Mt Rushmore.

Thanks to the self-actualization tapes I realized that my personal opinions and experiences are so important that you would like to view them over the internets. In creating this blog I will try to hold true to the opinions Charles Foster Kane when he bought the Enquirer: "I'll provide the people of this city with a daily paper that will tell all the news honestly...And they're going to get the news - the true news - quickly and simply and entertainingly. And no special interests will be allowed to interfere with the truth of that news."